In His Time....

God has such an amazing way of letting us know he's there. Atleast to me he does. I have been feeling great all day. Positive and ready to go. As I walked into the MRI room I had my scriptures that I always repeat and was ready to close my eyes and pray.  As I sat down on the MRI table and they placed the headphones over my ears the words of the song playing immediately brought tears to my eyes. Here with Me by Mercy Me was on.

 " I can feel your presence here with me. Suddenly I'm lost within your beauty. Caught up in the wonder of your touch. Here in this moment I surrender to your love."

I've  heard this song a million times before but never has it touched me in this way. I knew at that very moment God was with me.  I could feel his presence  and was quite honestly overwhelmed. I know he's always with me. But it's times like this that seem to "confirm" it. As emotional as it can be, I truly love moments like this. I was actually quite thankful to be in the middle of a tube with a shield over my face so no one could see me crying. It was a good cry though. An at peace and sense of relief cry. I wasn't sad or scared. Just overwhelmed by it all. In a good way. I had no idea what the results of the MRI would be but I knew no matter what God was in control and he would take care of it. I love being able to say that and find so much peace in knowing that he will.

When we met with my dr this morning and found out about the new "spot" they are watching I wasn't afraid. A little bummed because I always hope they will come back and tell me I'm completely cancer free. But that's obviously not God's will yet.  It was a great reminder to me that as much as I want to be cancer free, that may not be what is best for my life at this point. Sometimes I get so excited and hopeful for things to come in the future that I look past the blessings of today. Sure God knows what's ahead and I know he's got an amazing plan for my life. But that's for Him to take care of and prepare. My job is to trust Him and take it one day at a time. Sometimes it's hard. Because I would love to be a "normal" Mom and wife again. To be able to drive, to go for a walk with my 2yr old, to be able to have our own home again. To help my husband more and take some of the financial and daily burdens off of him. To give my parents their sanity and their house back!! To give my husbands parents their "un-scheduled" life back instead of always having to help with the boys. But that's why I love times like this. Because it makes me even more thankful for all the ways we've been blessed. We can't do this alone. And honestly, who really needs a house? It would be great to have our own space but we have a place to call home. Yes, it would be nice to drive again. My vision has not improved enough for that yet. But I can still see my boys precious faces, so I'm very thankful for sight. My husband works so hard, and I'm very thankful for his job and the insurance it provides. Our parents are amazing and help in anyway they can. So really, Who could ask for more? Is my tumor gone? Nope. But it's stable. And you know what, It really doesn't matter to me if it ever goes away. I pray it does. But most of all, I pray that I will wake up each morning and see all the faces that I love. To see my husband laying next to me and to be able to kiss his cheek. To hear my boys laughing through the walls as they wake up. (The best alarm clock ever!!) To feel our dogs cold, wet nose shoved in my face as she checks to make sure I'm awake and that I hear that "her" boys are ready to start the day. Those are the daily blessings I need to focus on. The others will come in time. His time.

Psalm 71:14 As for me I will always have hope. I will praise you more and more.