Think about it.....

As much as I hate to skip around, I've been praying that God will lead me as to what I should write about.  When I started today, this was on my heart and the words just started flowing so I guess I'll go with it. 

This is totally a "Mom" moment. I was sitting on the couch with the boys this morning and we were praying before school. When we finished, they were giggling and being silly. Tickling each other and Big G was teaching Little G new words. He loves when his little brother "repeats" him. When out of nowhere, Big G asks, " Mom, how big is your tumor now?"  I was a little unprepared for that question, but reassured him that it was still getting smaller and that when he got home, Daddy would show him my last MRI so he could see it. (He has always enjoyed my MRIs. He thinks its cool to see a brain!)  He seemed ok with that and went back to playing with his brother. As I thought more about it, I realized that most of his questions come out o the blue. Not so much when we "talk" about it, just at random times.  Which of course got me thinking even more... While I know he thinks about the tumor, I wonder how much he thinks about it.  Since the beginning, We've always been very open about things. Included him in Doctor’s visits, he's seen my scans, He knows what a 7 yr old should know and we always keep it positive and reiterate how God is in control and taking care of it all. He and I have had several "talks" about it (and will continue to) and he always seems "ok" with everything. Most times he's not even really interested in what were talking about. He'd rather go play! But for some reason, today's question just hit home for me. I know how often tumor things pop into my head, so I wonder really, honestly, how often they pop into his. 

Along with moving, a new school, leaving his friends.....the more I thought, the more the  tears started to flow.  My sweet guy has been thru so much this past year.  And he's been so strong. Never once complained. Sure he says how much he misses his friends, but otherwise just continues to go with the flow.  

So, how often does he really think about it? There are days where its all I think about and there are times when I kinda forget about it for a little while. Is it like that for him too? On the days where he's grumpy, is he thinking about it then? Maybe upset with all the changes we've had to make? During the times when he just wants to snuggle with his Mama, is he sad or scared? If only I could get into his sweet little head. It was a great reminder for me that he needs to have all the same things I do...that we all do.... Happy days, grumpy days, days that require extra patience, and days to just process and let it all out.  All things I try to keep in mind, but was very thankful to have the reminder of this morning.

Later in the evening, at bed time, Big G came out of his room several times saying he was afraid. When I asked him what he was afraid of he'd say things like tornadoes or hurricanes. He was begging to sleep in our bed but we sent him back to bed each time he came out. Next thing I know he's crying, and talking thru the walls at me "Mom, I know you can hear me. I just want to sleep with you and Daddy.....I' m scared...." Well, lets just say he won. 

Was he really afraid of tornadoes and hurricanes, I don't know.... But this isn't something he usually does. So for the night, I enjoyed the snuggles and the knees shoved in my back, knowing that if it made my guy feel a little better, I'd do it again tomorrow night.