Happy New Year!!!

Man. I can't believe another year is over.  But I must admit I'm excited to see what 2014 has in store for our family. Ready to start fresh. New year. New blessings. New goals. New excitement!! I'm ready!! 

This may sound silly, but there are certain times I am filled with this amazing since of joy. It usually just happens. I'm not doing anything in particular, and most times I'm not even doing anything fun or exciting. It's just something that comes over me. Like I'm glad to just be alive and doing whatever it is I'm doing. Just an amazing, happy feeling. Something that I had never really experienced before. I love when it happens. It gets me excited. Determined. Thankful. 

2013 wasn't a bad year by any means. It surely has been full of blessings. I've learned and grown so much in the last year and I'm very thankful for every experience that was brought our way. Am I sad to see it go? Maybe just a little. But I am so excited to see what God has planned in the year ahead.  While I realize my life will never be like it used to be, I'm really ok with that. I don't want to look back. I want to look ahead. We may not have the home, money, or stuff that we used to, but I am so thankful for the way our family has grown together. I love my husband more than ever and find myself thankful for things that used to drive me crazy. I MAKE more time to simply play or just spend time with my boys. Instead of just spending a few minutes getting them involved in something so I can have a chance to get something done, I actually sit down and play. I love it. I even think most times I have more patience with them then I used to. Don't get me wrong, every day is not a perfect day. Most are very far from perfect. But you know what? Were together. To me that's all that matters. 

Every morning the first thing I do, even before I open my eyes is thank God for another day. I could care less about the money, the house or the stuff. I just want to be together. I want to grow old with my husband. I want to see my boys have families of their own. I want to see our parents be great grand-parents. What God has planned I really don't know. But for now I will keep on thanking him for each and every day. I honestly wasn't sure I'd see another year, so I am so incredibly thankful for each and every day!!

Alright 2014. Bring it on!!!!!

This is the day that The Lord has made. We will rejoice and be glad in it.  Psalm 118:24

A Year Ago Today...

This time last year I had no

Idea how quick and how drastically my life was going to change. What I thought was going to result in sinus surgery, turned into something much more serious than I had ever imagined.

December 19 2012

I was laying in bed trying to get the pressure in my head to go away when my phone rang. It was my ENTs office. I had an MRI that morning so I had been waiting for them to call. The nurse asked if I would be able to come into their office that afternoon so the doctor could go over the findings. I agreed so we scheduled an appt for later that day. My husband came into the room to find out what they had said and as I was telling him, his phone rang. It was my ENTs office. He answered and talked with the nurse for a minute then asked her if she could tell him what they found. He hung up shortly after. As we looked at each other without saying a word, I knew it couldn't be good. When I finally asked him what they wanted, he told me the nurse wanted to make sure he was coming to the appointment too because they knew I would be upset and wanted to have someone there for me. But that's all she would tell him. I immediately started to cry. As I held my little g who had just turned one

four days before, I completely lost it. I knew it had to be bad.  All I remember is crying and saying "please God, no" over and over. My husband went outside and started to make some calls. I went out to check on him at one point and realized he had been crying too. How could this be happening....

We called our aunt and cousin to help with the boys because we knew it would be best not to have them with us. We packed up all their things and dropped off little g. Big g was still at school and our cousin was going to pick him up.

The drive to my drs office seemed to take forever. When we finally got there I felt a peace come over me as we waited. I was so scared, more scared than I had ever been, but I felt like it was going to be ok. The nurse brought us back into an exam room and told us the dr would be in shortly. When he walked in, he didn't have the smile and happy attitude he did the first time we met. He sat down and I could tell he was having a hard time finding the words to say. I started to cry and told him I knew it must be hard to be in his shoes. He told us that they had found a tumor and then took us into another room to show us the actual MRI images. As we went thru them, he told us he had already contacted a neurosurgeon and had an appt scheduled for us the next morning. We finished talking with him and headed out to the truck to go home. As soon as we got into the truck we both started to cry again. There was no way that this could be happening. Both of our parents were waiting to hear from us and I knew my composure was better than my husbands so I started to make the calls. Let me tell you what....those 2 calls were probably the hardest I've ever had to make. Telling your loved ones, parents especially that you have a brain tumor that's inoperable, and hearing them start to cry is one of the worst experiences ever. On the way home I sent a text message to a few close friends asking them to pray. I had no idea what else to do but knew prayer was the place to start.

The next morning we arrived at the neurosurgeons office. It didn't take long before the dr was ready to see us. He took us into a room where we were able to view more of my scans. He talked a little about the tumor but was mostly concerned with the hydrocephalus  (fluid on the brain) which had been causing all the pressure in my head. The tumor was blocking an opening where the cerebral spinal fluid drains so the fluid was causing the insane pressure in my head. He wanted me admitted to the ICU as soon as possible. He said that I needed to be monitored because it was so severe that if I went to sleep there was a chance I wouldn't wake up. My one year old was sitting next to me in his stroller. I just stared at him and started to cry. The doctor also told us I would need surgery the next day to place a shunt that would allow the fluid to drain. He wanted to do a biopsy of the tumor at the same time but he didn't have the necessary equipment. It would take a few days to get it there and at this point he said we couldn't wait.

As they were making arrangements for me to be admitted to the ICU we once again called our parents. They were almost 12 hours away but we knew that it would help so much to have them with us. My Mom booked a flight for that evening and my husbands parents started packing to make the drive.

We headed over to the hospital and waited to be admitted. They took us upstairs and introduced us to my nurse. They advised us that little g was not allowed in ICI which  I completely understood so my husband took him home to our aunt while I got settled. If you've never been in the ICU, let me tell you, the bathroom arrangements down right stink! Why?? Because There are no bathrooms!! Ha!  Almost all of the patients are unconscious or unable to get out of bed. They don't walk around and talk like I was able to. My options were a bed pan or the toilet on wheels.  Neither of which I really cared to use! Just a little humor. Anyway.  My husband came back that afternoon and stayed with me until he had to get my mom from the airport. They both came back and stayed for a while. It was nice to have company and keep my mind off things for a bit. My mom went to our house and stayed with the boys while my in laws came to visit. My husband wasn't allowed to spend the night so everyone went home.

I was so exhausted but couldn't sleep.  I was so thankful I had the most amazing nurse. She'd come in and talk to me through out the night. She even read my doctors reports to me and explained them so I that I could understand them. Surely made the night go by faster. In the morning, they brought me supplies so I could "bathe" before surgery. Once again no bathrooms....

My husband and my mom came shortly after and it was almost time for surgery to start. My dr and anesthesiologist came in and went over everything and before I knew it, we were in the elevator heading to surgery. When we reached the surgery floor I said goodbye to my mom and my husband and was taken to the operating room. As we passed the nurses station one of the nurses smiled at me and said "good morning." As I smiled back at her tears began to fill my eyes. This really was happening. I was being taken to have surgery on my brain.  Seriously?? My anesthesiologist noticed I was upset and started to rub my shoulder. He told me he had been diagnosed with cancer and to

just stay calm and relax. When we got into the operating room he gave me something to "help me relax " and next thing I knew I was waking up after surgery.

Made for each other....

It shouldn't surprise me, but I am once again amazed at the way God works. The way he organizes things into His plan before we even have any idea about it, before we're even born for that matter. It's just awesome. I've always loved my husband. Very much. But with everything that's been happening this last year, I've gained a whole new respect for the man that he is.


When we said our vows 11 years ago, I don't think either one of us was prepared for some of the things we'd face as husband and wife. I am so incredibly thankful that God chose him for me.

It may sound silly but just having him around makes me feel better. He doesn't have to say or do anything, just be close by. He's gone on the weekends for work and I always feel so excited on Monday mornings knowing he will be back home. Now don't get me wrong, there are times I'd like to smack him upside his head, (and I'm sure he'd love to do the same to me sometimes!) but the way he has taken over in all this makes me feel so less likely to actually do it!

Sometimes he's so organized im afraid to touch anything! He has all my medical documents organized and copies are on his phone and iPad.  We have a synced calendar listing all of my appointments and dates to start and stop taking my medicines. He even has little "alarms" set to help me remember. There are copies of every MRI and CT Scan I've had neatly filed away. You name it, he's got it! It really makes me proud. I know that may sound funny, but it does. It's very comforting to know where I am lacking, he's picking up the slack. Makes all these changes a little easier to swallow.

Speaking of changes, as we celebrate our 11th Anniversary today, I was thinking about all the things that have changed.  11 yrs ago I was 19 and he was 22. We both had nice figures, loved to sleep in and would go grocery shopping in the middle of the night. We had our "song" that we would sing and quote to each other. Life was great.

11 yrs later I'm 30 and he's 33.  Were both well fed, haha, we hardly ever get to sleep in, we've got to be home by 6 pm to get the boys bathed and to bed and we now sing a "kick cancers butt" song as our family theme. But life is still great. I would actually say better. Yes, we had more money then, more free time and were more spontaneous but I love our life together.  God has blessed us in ways I would never have imagined. I really am excited to see what God has planned for us in the years ahead. I am so very blessed.

Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up. (Ecclesiastes 4:9, 10 NIV)

A little bit of Faith......

November 30, 2009. The day we held an angel in our arms. The day we kissed her precious face. The day we had to say goodbye to one of the sweetest, tiniest blessings God had given us. The day I knew my prayers had been answered. Our precious little girl was healed in the arms of Jesus.

Since the day we found out about her "complications" I prayed and begged that God would heal her. Even though it wasn't in the way that I had hoped, I knew God had done exactly what I had asked. He took away her pain.

My first ultrasound showed that there was a hygroma on the back of her head and neck. From then on, my pregnancy was filled with tests and appointments with specialists.  I was told that our baby wouldn't survive and that it wasn't too late if we wanted to end the pregnancy. My husband and I refused to even think about that route. God was the only one who would decide what would happen to our baby.

We got to enjoy 24 weeks of hiccups and kicks, and I rubbed on my belly as much as I could. The Wednesday before thanksgiving I had a check up with my primary OB. He did the normal ultrasound, but I could tell by his face something was different.  I will never forget when he looked in my eyes and said, "it looks like she's gone home." I am so thankful that He used those words to tell us our baby girl was no longer suffering. She had indeed gone home to her creator and I pictured her completely healed and cradled in Jesus arms. My doctor gave us a few minutes alone to collect our thoughts and when he came back we started to talk about making a plan. We decided to wait and give my body a chance to go into labor on its own. The next day was Thanksgiving and the last place I wanted to be was in the hospital.

In The following days I felt like I was living life in a blur. Here I was 24 weeks pregnant, I still looked pregnant, and I still felt pregnant. I WAS pregnant.  But now we had the task of telling everyone that our baby girl had gone to heaven.

We made it thru Thanksgiving weekend but I decided I couldn't wait anymore. It was just too difficult to constantly think of what was ahead.  So my doctor agreed to induce labor that following Monday. We were admitted early that morning and things were rolling along just as they should. That evening, our 1lb 2.5oz, Faith Raelynn was born. I think I cried the entire time, but once I was able to hold her an incredible sense of peace surrounded me. My husband was amazing and was right there by my side for everything. He made sure I was taken care of and that I had everything I needed. We were also very blessed to be surrounded by my parents, our aunt and a very dear friend for support. We had a few visitors that evening and Faith stayed in her bassinet beside my bed when we weren’t holding her. When things calmed down, we had taken some pictures and it was just the three of us, I decided it was time. So my husband and I each took our turn saying goodbye. We had a special blanket that we sent along with her and we kept her tiny little hat and blanket that were made especially for her by someone who supported us through the entire journey. I really don't remember much else from that night. I don't know if we slept. But I remember that next morning was so hard. As they wheeled me down to the car to go home I choked back tears. I remember leaving the hospital with Big G and how excited I felt. I had my sweet boy in my arms and we were headed home. Today I was headed home.....but nothing was in my arms.  There was no diaper bag. No car seat. No "going home" outfit. I tried to just close my eyes but as soon as I saw my husband the tears were flowing again. Tears seemed to be a common thing in the following days. Everything your body does after having a baby, my body still did. But the worst part was the way my arms would literally hurt because I wanted to hold her again so badly... The only peace I was able to find was in knowing that my baby was no longer suffering and that some day I would be able to hold her again. But for now, four years later, I still find comfort in knowing that she is being held in the arms of Jesus.

 Tonight we will celebrate her 4^th Birthday with brownies and signing. A tradition we've had since her first birthday. Happy Birthday our precious Faith Raelynn. We still love you more than you could ever know.


"They say that time in heaven is compared to the blink of an eye for us here on earth. Sometimes it helps me to think of my child running ahead of me through a beautiful field of wildflowers and butterflies. So happy and caught up in what she is doing that when she looks behind her, I'll already be there...."

Blended Emotions :)

I am still having a hard time knowing whether I should laugh or cry at this... I've been doing both every time I think about it! I'm going to try and keep this short. It's just too crazy not to share.

Earlier this year some friends introduced us to green drink smoothies. The boys and I love them. My MIL started to make them and we were hooked. Only problem is we don't have a blender. I've been wanting to get one but we just haven't had the extra money to get a decent one so I've been putting it off until we do.

On the front porch this morning we found a large box that we somehow missed the evening before. The boys and I brought it inside and started to unwrap it. The return label was from an out of state family member who I've never had the opportunity to meet.  When we got to the package inside we read the box and you will never guess what was inside..... A blender!!!!! I couldn't believe it!! We opened the box to make sure that's really what was inside and sure enough, it was a blender!! There was also a notebook with some smoothie recipes as well as a very sweet note. I was brought to tears by what the note said:

“I know you're probably wondering why I would send you a blender. Let me explain- a few nights ago I couldn't sleep. I had finished praying, my body was ready for sleep, but I kept thinking "send Katie a blender." I was confused, wondering where this thought came from, so I asked, "God, are you telling me to send  a blender?" I felt the spirit say "yes" but I thought " this is strange." I mean everyone knows you don't give women health stuff as a gift! The next morning I forgot about Gods request. I logged into my email and guess what was the first thing in my inbox...an email from my blender company! I have never received anything from them before this. I knew instantly this was not a coincidence but God answering me in a more direct way so my human brain would have no doubt, "yes, I am telling you to send a blender." The entire way to the store I was nervous, thinking "this is weird. I barely know her and this will offend her if she thinks I am judging her." But I don't want to be swallowed by a whale either :) so here we are. I'm sorry if you are offended by this strange gift but God must want you to have an easy way to get the healthy foods your body needs to beat this cancer.......”

So how crazy is that??? God told a family member I've never met to send me a blender!!! But I'm also taking it as God telling me that my family and I need to get healthy. I've started to make changes here and there but I feel like this is Gods way of saying "no excuses." I'm so excited to try out the recipes and make smoothies a part of our daily meal routine. :)

Lord, you continue to amaze me. Thank you for the way you continue to take care of us and lead us along your path.

The steps of a person are ordained by The Lord- so how can anyone understand his own way?

Proverbs 20:24