The good, the bad and the ugly.....

I try so hard to say positive. Most days I feel great. But I realized I started writing this blog as a sort of an "out" so why not include the "bad and the ugly" too, right ?? I mean life isn't always great. I try to just write things that are encouraging and uplifting but sometimes I really do feel like crap. Sometimes I'm on the verge of tears. Sometimes I would love nothing more than to just go to bed and spend the entire day there. I don't because I know it wouldn't do me a bit of good. (A nice long nap would be GREAT!!!) but I just pray and plow thru those feelings. I don't like feeling "sick". I know that I am and need to listen to my body but I don't like it. To be honest I hate it. My body is working harder than it ever has before. And it's handling all that I'm putting it thru so well. I'm so thankful for that. I know it's totally a God thing.  But there really are times I feel horrible. Physically and mentally. Today was one of those days. I've turned into "a human barometer" as my Dad would say and weather really effects how my head feels. It's been so yucky out lately and it makes me feel yucky. Someone very special to me messages me every morning. As I messaged back, I found myself telling her how I really felt. Her response brought tears to my eyes (and gave me a nosebleed ha ha!) someone really cared that I didn't feel good. And wanted to hear about it. Huh??? How could that be?? Everyone has problems of their own. Why should they be bothered or care about mine?? But I'm so thankful she does. I want to stay positive. I want to feel great. I want to be filled with joy, trust and hope. And I'm very thankful to God that I usually am. But the human side of me still struggles every so often. So I hope I don't offend anyone when I start to post the "crap" too.  It's all part of the journey so I guess it should be included. I must admit, it kinda feels good. There are so many struggles I face on a daily basis. Most times I keep them between God and me. I feel like no one wants to hear me "complain". Everyone is struggling with something. Besides, They know I have a brain tumor. They know it stinks. They know I'm tired. They know I need help. They know...... Well if I don't tell them do they know?? Do they really know how I feel? Hmmmm. I think I answered my own question. It's like on cartoons when that little light bulb pops up over their head! I had a light bulb moment. Maybe I should be more willing to "share” everything. Maybe some people really do care how I'm feeling and what I'm going through. So from now on, that's what I'm going to do. The good, the bad and the ugly. They all fit together somehow in this crazy adventure so it’s all or nothing, right?

My little dude is napping so I'm off to do the same. I'm going to try waking up on the other side of the bed!

Though you have made me see troubles many and bitter you will restore my life again from the depths of the earth you will bring me up again. Psalm 71:20