Prayers

There are times when I wonder if I ask God for too much. Do I pray too much? I know He always wants us to come to Him, but sometimes I do feel guilty.

When all this started I really only asked for one thing. Life. I just wanted to live. I didn't care how or what circumstances I would go through, just simply life. But lately I've found myself asking Him for more. Improved vision, higher counts, relief from medication side effects, keeping our family germ free....even the ability to drive again and have a home of our own. Not quite sure why, but Sometimes I feel bad praying for those things. On the other hand I want Him in control of it all. The only way I know how to do that is to pray about it and give it to Him.

He has already provided so much for our family...when we didn't even ask. Things we didn't even know to pray for, He literally put it in front of our faces. (I love when He does that..He just shows us exactly what we need to do and the peace that comes along with it is indescribable. You just know it's Him) I have no doubt He will provide, according to His will, at the perfect time. No doubt what so ever. But is He ok with prayers for the "little stuff"?

I never would have thought I'd be in my 30's and my family living with my parents.  It's been hard adjusting to changes. But what I have a really hard time with is not comparing myself to other warriors stories. Even my Dr. Said today that you don't see any positive cases of pineal tumors like mine. "Google it" she says. Um....no thanks. Been there. Done that. Not doing it again.

I don't want my story to be like all the others. And I don't believe it will. I want my story to be the one that gives others hope. That gives them strength and encourages them to keep their Faith and trust in God. I want them to "Google it" and have my story be the first one they read. Not the ones of doom and gloom like I read while trying to educate myself.

My Dr still says I'm doing "remarkably well". I'll take it...for now. But I still believe God is going to knock their socks off with my story!

She also told us that they don't expect much improvement beyond this point and since they are switching up my chemo meds we should expect to see new growth at our next visit.  Hmmm.  Not so sure I agree. I love my doctors and I'm so thankful for all that they have done and continue to do. But I trust God so much more. I trust the one who I know can do "immeasurably more" than I could ever ask or imagine. I want to focus on Him. Not all the horribly sad stories of amazingly strong people who have lost the battle.  I know I'm really no different than they are. And I still get so frightened at times because I know the path this could take. But let me tell you right now.... I will NEVER lose faith or hope in God and what He can do. No study, research project, doctors diagnosis or MRI is bigger than He is. Hes already proved that to us several times.

At our last Duke visit I was devastated. Tears pouring down my face and a heart full of fear because my doctor said the words "new growth".  The sorrow did last for the night, But then the joy came in the morning. The call that revealed "no active cancer cells." That to me was just another way of God showing us to simply trust Him. He's got this! The MRI may have showed new growth but God had other plans!

Yes I love and trust my doctors and yes I need them. But I believe that God is working through them and using them to provide the treatment I need. The treatment I need for His purpose and plan for my life.

I feel like I've totally gone off topic! But I guess what I'm wondering is, can you ask God for too much?? Sometimes I do wonder  about His reaction or the look on His face when I pray about certain things. I picture Him standing with His face buried in His hands, head shaking, and saying "Let go of it girl! (Please know I mean absolutely no disrespect with that comment. I just believe God has a sense of humor like most of us do!)

Anyway. I'd love to hear any comments or insight on this...
Can you ask for or pray too much??