When we found out about the "new growth" yesterday, I was initially devastated. New growth is not a phrase you want to hear in the cancer world. Not only does it mean that the tumor is growing, it means the meds you are taking are no longer working. Not something you really want to think about.
I was playing Mr. Potato head with little g when my cell phone rang and my husband said "this is it..."
The call we had been waiting for. I was sitting with my back to him, but I was trying so hard to listen to what he was saying. When I heard him say "so there are no live cells...." I turned to look at him. As I did, the biggest smile beamed from his face. I leaned over and asked little g for a kiss as the tears, once again, ran down my cheeks. Could it really be?
When he finished on the phone I immediately looked to my husband, waiting, very impatiently, for him to fill me in!! The dr told him the PET scan came back negative which means there are no active cells in my brain!!!
I didn't really understand the whole PET scan thing but I guess when they inject you with the radioactive stuff, there is also glucose mixed in. Active cells will go after the glucose mixture for "food" which makes them "light up" during the scan. From what the dr said, nothing lit up on my scan. Nothing. I'm still in awe... She did say that there could be dormant cells and that's why they are keeping me on the same treatment plan for now. At some point they might lower my doses but I will more than likely always be on some form of chemo. GBMs are very aggressive and grow very fast. I must say I'm very thankful to have drs that don't just wait around and watch. I want aggressive treatment. I want these stupid cells to stay dead and gone!!
God is just amazing. I've always loved and trusted him. And I still do. Very much. But I have to admit my relationship with him has changed so much in the last year. I have learned so much about him and have honestly gained a new best friend. I've learned that just because things don't go the way I want or expect them to, doesn't mean it won't be good. Actually in most cases it turns out better. I've learned to let go of things in which I have no control and have started to be less of a worrier and let me tell you, that in itself is huge!! Quite honestly I've learned far to much to list here. All I know is I'm not the same person I was before this tumor.
This journey is far from over and I've still got a lot to learn but I am so incredibly humbled and thankful for every blessing God has poured out to our family. I think I may actually be at the point where I can say I am thankful for this tumor.
Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus. (1 Thessalonians 5:18 NIV)
I can't say enough about all the people who have prayed for and helped our family. You have no idea how much you mean to us. We love you all and hope you will continue to be with us on this journey of faith. There's no telling what God has in store next, so for now, one day and one prayer at a time.
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